Rather than deal with the big, actually extant issues facing Australia in a mature, dignified way that befits the traditions and import of being afforded the privilege of ruling this broad, brown nation, the government is more interested in getting salty over Triple J moving the date of the Hottest 100.
Never mind that the national broadcaster has announced it’ll be devoting 26 January to exclusively Australian content, or that there was extensive community consultation showing a clear majority of respondents endorsed the move, or that the countdown of the year’s favourite songs has only been on Australia Day since 1998, or that it’s a goddamn music competition for teenagers to get whipped up over and the rest of us to cheer when we finally recognise one of the tunes – apparently this is a matter that our highest elected officials need to get involved with.
“We’ve all come to know and accept that that’s when it will all be and we all enjoy it,” said Victorian politician Mitch Fifield, daring us all to picture him kicking back in an inflatable pool clad in nothing but green ’n’ gold Speedos, bucket hat and a dollop of SPF15+, with a mini-Esky of domestic beers floating by his side, sauce-dripping sausage sizzle in hand and strong opinions on Lorde’s chance of taking out the title, since he’s apparently such a massive aficionado of the Js.
I dunno, maybe that’s exactly what he does. If so, good on him – I hope he also plays backyard cricket and endorses a “one hand, one bounce” rule for fielders who don’t want to put down their Aussie flag-themed stubbie holders. But the point is, he woke up, strapped on the suit and thought it was important that his work day included an official announcement on this date move.
As though Fifield’s portfolio – that’s Communications, by the way – is so cruisy and not at all beleaguered by a quagmire of catastrophic proportions (*cough* NBN) that he can afford to expend his mental energy on whingeing about a popularity contest being moved to the fourth Saturday in January. I’m no expert, but if I was in Mitch’s bindy-dodging Havaianas I reckon I’d be more concerned about my constituents’ ability to stream the Hottest 100 without constant buffering.
Or making sure Damian Cowell’s Disco Machine gets in the top 10 – but that’s probably just as egregious a waste of taxpayer money as vowing to fight this unacceptably unpatriotic decision from a radio station.